The Agency That Sets The Marketing Bar
& Continues To Raise It

Alexis says she likes personality assessments, but we all know she’s a hardcore closet tarot card reader.

Here are three of her latest readings seeing a future of:
Cleaning your room
Looking within
And accepting the pain

Is she Kylie Jenner?

Having the most drip in the office, Graham puts everyone’s fashion to shame.

Rocking New Balances with the VELCRO® straps on a daily basis means there’s less attention going around to the other guys in the office.

So what’s he doing now?

Still working with Tyler Bales on his bartending skills.

Megan is really good at live tweeting during award shows.

Despite having the same follower count as Yasmine, Megan still continues to impress her mom who’s quickly ready with liking anything she tweets.

Where did she get the confidence from, you ask?

At the bottom of all her spicy happy hour margaritas.

Connor would like you to know that he worked at Geek Squad in high school.

It kinda makes sense.

His slogan is “in front of the clock”?

We think he once saw a coaster and got inspired.

Was he on shrooms at the time?

100%.

Being the heiress of Sandro Botticelli, it makes sense that Lindsay’s creativity matches that of the Sistine Chapel.

Yea.

That’s a pretty big f***ing deal.

If it were true.

Instead, Lindsay eats cannolis.

Dalton has hit some rough patches lately.

– Kid’s birthday parties that he used to DJ for have been shut down due to COVID-19.
– He paid $120 for a $24 box of Omaha Steaks (without any potato gratin).
– Stone stopped giving free Pantene Pro-V samples to him.

And to top it all off, his GoFundMe was featured on RuinMyWeek.com, only to be beat by the girl trying to raise money to remove her forehead tattoo.

#PrayersUp

Harrison loves the sound a push broom makes on concrete.

So much that he allowed us to record his reaction (that’s the push broom on the left, Harrison on the right).

Is his job stressful you ask?

Yes, that’s why he gambles all his money away playing pop-a-shot.

Who else has a soft spot for rollerblading while wine tasting?

If it wasn’t for Christmas decorations, then we’re sure Beth would be the Michael Jordan of Roller Derbys.

Instead, she has that one month out of the year that complete f***s with her training routine.

Here’s a look at her last practice.

Not good.

NERD ALERT

You know you’re in deep when you justify enjoying:
– The Book of Boba Fett
– The Rise of Skywalker
– & Jabba The Hutt (in general)

His favorite candy is Skittles because it starts with the same letter as Star Wars?!

Jesus, Rob.

Sandra tells us she’s 100% Japanese, but we keep telling her that’s no excuse to not talk to us.

Has anyone heard Sandra say ANYTHING?!

We’re beginning to worry.

Sandra.

Talk to us.

If having a stroke trying to pronounce her last name wasn’t enough, you should try high-fiving her small sausage fingers.

For every object she sees, she immediately asks herself if she can wear it on her head.

No Alexis, monitors are not headware.

Think she has something  good to offer? Don’t hold your breath.

Poor eyesight, bargain shopping, and The Office references is all you’ll get from Alexis.

Mary goes hard at everything in life.

Flag football on the beach? Check.

Potentially knocking dudes out? Check.

Eating on random couches and beds with lifesize cardboard cutouts of Aquaman, real seaweed, and a few sea urchins to keep things spicy? Double check.

Kyle is your typical, basic white dude

We mean, his name is Kyle, c’mon now.

Loves “ice cold IPA’s, weekend golf, fantasy football”

Enough with your bulls***, Kyle.

Tell the world about your OnlyFans page.

Oh look! Another last name that terrifies us.

Truman was a professional croquet player before lying to us about it.

Now he tells us he used to take breakdancing classes at the age of 12?

Like, you literally have to take numerous breaks from dancing with him to avoid embarrassment.

Ha!

Suck it, Truman.

For someone who bungee jumped with Zac Efron, Kim is surprisingly late when it comes to drinking beers.

For her 3 year KB’versary, Johnathan asked the team if they should get a keg.

Soon thereafter, Kim became a proud keg stand’er.

Now her favorite days are when we play RAGE CAGE at the office.

Being the former brand ambassador, spokesperson, and fake CMO of Norms Restaurants, Jordyn knows a thing or two about marketing and steak for breakfast.

What are those things?

1. You can’t outrun 70s interior design, but you can try
2. Not a lot of people eat a 1 pound porterhouse steak & eggs for breakfast

What’s also cool about Jordyn you ask?

She keeps pushing the envelope with her latest attempt of eating pasta while thrift shopping.

Suffering from too much success, Reese is the world’s leading archivist of DJ Khaled Snapchat screenshots.

Want him to do something for you?

Just add the word, “Wagyu” next to it.

Don’t believe us? Then look at this.

Best part about having interns is that you can get them to do almost anything.

Set up Christmas lights? Check.
Hide Smirnoff Ice’s? Check.
Learn a little bit of marketing? Check.

We’re just waiting until we can send Hannah to go buy us more alcohol.

True intern ROI.

In classic American style, Izzy thinks it’s worth noting that he “back packed” in Europe for two months.

Wow, Izzy.

That’s “impressive”.

You know what’s impressive?

Your inability to kick a soccer ball ⚽️.

For someone who goes to bed at 9 Post Meridiem, Pacific Standard Time, every day, Jordan surprisingly makes it look easy.

How does he do it, you ask?

We asked him.

And the answer might surprise you.

Jordan: “It’s my legs. I hit them 2x a week“

Haley is the ultimate hype girl.

Sad you lost a bet to Johnathan? Haley will hype you up.
Sad you got roasted by Johnathan? Haley will hype you up.
Sad you’re sad because of Johnathan? Haley will hype you up.

Why is she so good at hyping? Because she’s our official Smirnoff Ice ambassador.

When Jordan was ten years old, her tooth got knocked out while playing soccer – coach still made her play the rest of the game (swag).

She says her name is Jordan “Kaatz” because she’s always ready to “pounce”.

After she told us that, we were like.

We had to give her a subscription to Ancestry.com to show her family tree and explain how last names work.

As a current Mmmbop by Hanson fan, Drew spends most of his time living in the past.

That’s why he won’t hesitate to remind you he was an extra in Matilda, The Fan, Why Do Fools Fall In Love, etc.

Extra emphasis on the “etc“.

He also tells us he once sat next to Vivica A. Fox in a dressing room. Where she winked at him as they both got their hair and makeup done.

Guess it’s only makeup now, Drew.

Elisha’s last name sounds like the sound you make when you take a bite of something that’s way too hot and you’re struggling with cooling it down without spitting it out.

No surprise that she calls herself an “ASMR enthusiast” – here’s her latest video.

Soon, she’s going to attempt eating cheese slices on Pop-Tarts.

Did we mention she’s not a Guinness World Record holder?

Ali is 8 foot, 3 inches tall.

And we didn’t even have to measure her.

We could tell by the altitude of the confetti pop.

No wonder she assisted on a cataract surgery at age 16.

#OverAchiever

Have you ever worked with a celebrity? Neither has Matt, because he is one.

During his high school years, Matt was chosen to be on a popular MTV show.

He likes to think of himself as a “bad boy”, and while he doesn’t get paid a regular salary, he does gets paid in Red Lobster gift cards.

If he does an exceptional job, then we’ll make it fancier for him and give him a Cheesecake Factory gift card.

Nicolette got her foot run over at age 12 and broke ZERO bones.

What she didn’t tell us was that it was a tricycle.

In her dreams.

From a Sesame Street episode she watched.

Her biggest fear today is the Fire Elmo GIF.

Gabe isn’t your typical marketer.

He’s tiny and hard to find.

What’s even worse is that he loves wet clay (it’s a weakness of his).

Has he watched Ghost with Patrick Swayze & Demi Moore?

No.

But does he know how to work the clay? Absolutely.

Before Robbie’s interview, he emailed us that he has “worked on music videos for The Weekend, Ariana Grande, Bruno Mars, Nikki Minaj and others.”

We said LOL.

It’s “The Weeknd” and “Nicki Minaj“.

So even though he’s a liar, we still hired him.

Travis was once sponsored by NBA basketball star Corey Maggette.

In his younger days, Travis was apparently good at golf, so “good” he had to hunt for sugar daddies for financial support.

Did he ever make any of his sugar daddies money?

No.

Regina is super good at pretending she knows what she’s talking about & then convinces herself she’s now an expert.

Like how she thinks it’s impressive to tell us she went to school with Jerry Rice’s kids?

Who gives a f***, Regina?

That ain’t no supa hot fire.

Being a sharp dresser himself, Patrick doesn’t let first impressions happen by chance.

That’s why he always wins “Best Dressed” at ListBookce.

What’s his secret you ask?

Don’t tell him we told you, but here you go: https://www.walmart.com/browse/ryan-seacrest-distinction/

Remember.

You’ve never met a more American person than Courtney.

She got her first boyfriend using the pick up line: “On a scale from one to America, how free are you tonight?“

And if driving with the top off your Jeep, blasting Taylor Swift, and eating Freedom Fries doesn’t immediately make you want to pet your bald eagle, then can you really call yourself a patriot?

Also, her shower curtain is the Declaration of Independence.

You know types of people who have superglued Minnie Mouse ears to their skull?

That’s Apryl.

Thinking that going to Disneyland will solve all her problems is the funnies thing we’ve ever experienced.

She does know that Disneyland is more expensive than therapy.

Right?

Tiffany doesn’t give a f*** about what you think.

Not happy with the designs? Does it look like she cares?
Got a request? She’s already celebrating happy hour.

How is she such a bad ass?

We think it has something to do with 60% of her body not being water, but La Croix instead.

Pamplemousse, bitch.

Call him old fashioned, but Jaime’s guiltiest pleasures is taking photos.

Photos of what you ask? 

We don’t ask those kinds of questions.

He says he’s had a NFC chip implant once, but he won’t tell us where it was on his body or what it did.

We’ll figure this out and report back.

For someone who’s insanely awkward, Lauren is insanely funny (sometimes).

She’s that quiet/weird type that just knows the perfect roast, but also holds back out of fear because the person might cry.

She says that she swam at the olympic trials, but we found evidence that wasn’t the case.

If one thing’s for sure, Brandon is not “wet” on the basketball court.

Earning the nickname “Dryday”, Brandon deals with constant bullying at ListBookce.

Seeking comfort in “Short Range Jordan Huynh“, both spend most of their days looking at YouTube tutorial videos on how to beat Johnathan Dane.

Little do they know that’s impossible, because he also writes these bios.

Double L, Brandon.